Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the boss with clean hands.
Career Limiting Move (CLM) - Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404-URL Not Found," meaning that the requested web page could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Used as in: "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were
in."
Ohno-Second - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um...friend."
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for "Single Income, Two Children, And Oppressive Mortgage".
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group.
G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps.
13 May, 2002
04 April, 2002
Striking Philosophy!
Striking Philosophy?
I was fascinated by the editorial written by Robert Hunter entitled “An open letter to striking UPS workers”. Thank you to Mr. Hunter, a well spoken and informative person, for helping me understand issues concerning both sides as to their rights. This article gave insight into the process of class-action striking and Union tactics. The article challenged me to examine the roots of “Union thinking”.
All opinions come from a philosophical base. Everything a person (or group of persons) believes and/or acts upon is based firmly on a philosophy. Let us take a moment to drop the fringe issues of this (or any) strike (i.e. pay, full-time vs. part-time, pensions, etc.) and focus on the principle of legalized striking.
What right does a person have to tell another how to spend their money? Where in our Constitution are we given rights for corporate and class-action theft (striking)? Additionally, where are we given the right to tell our employers how they should conduct their business? Don’t get me wrong, I believe that individuals have every right as free individuals to form Unions. Heck, they can form whatever group they want to, BUT DON’T TELL THE JOB CREATORS THAT THEY MAY NOT RUN THEIR BUSINESSES HOW THEY SEE FIT!
The entrepreneurs and risk takers should have every right to hire, fire, and establish procedures on their terms. Yes, I said FIRE! UPS management should be able to permanently fire every last striker. Why? Because it is their business. Their money. Their risk.
“But it’s not fair!” Fair? Since when did the privilege of gainful employment and its components become an issue of fairness. Folks—life is not fair. For goodness sake—gainful employment is a privilege, not a right. Do we need to debate that issue? Maybe for some of you I am making a broad leap to conclude that employment is a privilege. If I have presumed the contrary and you do in fact believe that employment is your right, then may I remind you of the work practices and conditions of past Communist Russia. It that is what you want, then go find a country sympathetic to those views.
The premise of striking or “the tail wagging the dog” stinks of micro-socialism. When did we in this country begin adopting the flawed precept that we may tell those who employ us how to conduct their business?? What kind of rebellious and selfish spirit has perpetuated the Union crowd’s view of employer and employee. I have never heard of an incident where an employer put a gun to the head of a worker and said “WORK – OR ELSE!” A free market economy allows us to find new employment wherever we wish (provided we are accepted into that employment). If UPS is so terrible in their policies – inform the us (the public) of the policies and let us vote with our pocketbooks. And if you, the UPS employee, don’t like the work policies set up by UPS – quit, find other work, and stop whining!
My only alarm of Hunter’s words came in his opinion in the last paragraph of the article where he states to the strikers “You are an American success story. Let that tradition continue and not be lost in this strike.” Success story?! There are NO winners here, Mr. Hunter. This strike is another example of a great American tragedy involving corporate mutiny, union enslavement, and a flawed philosophical base.
I was fascinated by the editorial written by Robert Hunter entitled “An open letter to striking UPS workers”. Thank you to Mr. Hunter, a well spoken and informative person, for helping me understand issues concerning both sides as to their rights. This article gave insight into the process of class-action striking and Union tactics. The article challenged me to examine the roots of “Union thinking”.
All opinions come from a philosophical base. Everything a person (or group of persons) believes and/or acts upon is based firmly on a philosophy. Let us take a moment to drop the fringe issues of this (or any) strike (i.e. pay, full-time vs. part-time, pensions, etc.) and focus on the principle of legalized striking.
What right does a person have to tell another how to spend their money? Where in our Constitution are we given rights for corporate and class-action theft (striking)? Additionally, where are we given the right to tell our employers how they should conduct their business? Don’t get me wrong, I believe that individuals have every right as free individuals to form Unions. Heck, they can form whatever group they want to, BUT DON’T TELL THE JOB CREATORS THAT THEY MAY NOT RUN THEIR BUSINESSES HOW THEY SEE FIT!
The entrepreneurs and risk takers should have every right to hire, fire, and establish procedures on their terms. Yes, I said FIRE! UPS management should be able to permanently fire every last striker. Why? Because it is their business. Their money. Their risk.
“But it’s not fair!” Fair? Since when did the privilege of gainful employment and its components become an issue of fairness. Folks—life is not fair. For goodness sake—gainful employment is a privilege, not a right. Do we need to debate that issue? Maybe for some of you I am making a broad leap to conclude that employment is a privilege. If I have presumed the contrary and you do in fact believe that employment is your right, then may I remind you of the work practices and conditions of past Communist Russia. It that is what you want, then go find a country sympathetic to those views.
The premise of striking or “the tail wagging the dog” stinks of micro-socialism. When did we in this country begin adopting the flawed precept that we may tell those who employ us how to conduct their business?? What kind of rebellious and selfish spirit has perpetuated the Union crowd’s view of employer and employee. I have never heard of an incident where an employer put a gun to the head of a worker and said “WORK – OR ELSE!” A free market economy allows us to find new employment wherever we wish (provided we are accepted into that employment). If UPS is so terrible in their policies – inform the us (the public) of the policies and let us vote with our pocketbooks. And if you, the UPS employee, don’t like the work policies set up by UPS – quit, find other work, and stop whining!
My only alarm of Hunter’s words came in his opinion in the last paragraph of the article where he states to the strikers “You are an American success story. Let that tradition continue and not be lost in this strike.” Success story?! There are NO winners here, Mr. Hunter. This strike is another example of a great American tragedy involving corporate mutiny, union enslavement, and a flawed philosophical base.
11 April, 2001
Compassionate Conservatism
Conservatism is compassionate by its very essence. The “compassionate” label has been added to appease liberals and those wishing to distort conservatism into an evil notion.
Conservatism honors citizens by giving them what they deserve-- fruits of their labor and non-discriminatory dignity. Conservatism does not first look to ones skin color, religious belief, physical condition or whatever precedes the hyphen before the word “American”. Instead it looks for the greatness inherent in all Americans. Greatness that does not come from a federal program funded by public extortion, but that greatness that we all possess.
Quite simply – in this age of emotions and symbolism we seek to package things so that it will sell. The word “compassionate” is only an attempt to have people look further into the truth behind conservatism.
Conservatism honors citizens by giving them what they deserve-- fruits of their labor and non-discriminatory dignity. Conservatism does not first look to ones skin color, religious belief, physical condition or whatever precedes the hyphen before the word “American”. Instead it looks for the greatness inherent in all Americans. Greatness that does not come from a federal program funded by public extortion, but that greatness that we all possess.
Quite simply – in this age of emotions and symbolism we seek to package things so that it will sell. The word “compassionate” is only an attempt to have people look further into the truth behind conservatism.
22 March, 2000
Seat Belt Law
To: Representative Bob Brown:
Sometimes we don’t realize the liberties we possess until we lose them. Such is the case with HB4343 which has taken away yet another of my liberties.
My living is made traveling Michigan roads within SE Michigan, primarily on residential streets. My job requires me to stop frequently at schools, churches and other community buildings. As of March 10, 2000 I now drive in fear of being stopped by the police because I am not wearing my seatbelt.
This law outrages me. What in the world makes you think that the Michigan State government has to be a nanny within my car? Do you sincerely choose to regulate my life when I cause no harm or threat to anyone else? Do you choose to bind the arms of Michigan residents to live as you wish them to?
What has happened to the rights of LAW-ABIDING citizens in this state? May I urge you to repeal this law immediately- and furthermore respect my rights to live in freedom inasmuch as my freedom does not infringe on the rights of others.
If I sound angry- it is because I am truly fearful of what tyranny you will allow next.
Very Sincerely-
Sometimes we don’t realize the liberties we possess until we lose them. Such is the case with HB4343 which has taken away yet another of my liberties.
My living is made traveling Michigan roads within SE Michigan, primarily on residential streets. My job requires me to stop frequently at schools, churches and other community buildings. As of March 10, 2000 I now drive in fear of being stopped by the police because I am not wearing my seatbelt.
This law outrages me. What in the world makes you think that the Michigan State government has to be a nanny within my car? Do you sincerely choose to regulate my life when I cause no harm or threat to anyone else? Do you choose to bind the arms of Michigan residents to live as you wish them to?
What has happened to the rights of LAW-ABIDING citizens in this state? May I urge you to repeal this law immediately- and furthermore respect my rights to live in freedom inasmuch as my freedom does not infringe on the rights of others.
If I sound angry- it is because I am truly fearful of what tyranny you will allow next.
Very Sincerely-
04 December, 1999
The Liberal Necessity of Hyphenated-Americans
I guess I should be ashamed to say it, but I am a white male. Yes indeed, genealogical research shows that I am of French, German, Scottish and English descent. From what I can deduce from the last twenty years of media innuendo, I am statistically the most evil type of human on the planet. But before I diverge- let’s me address the most divisive ploys to clusterize Americans.
Thanks to our politically correct society we now divide our great American society into hyphenated-Americans. You know….Mexican-Americans, Irish-Americans, Native-Americans, African-Americans, Asian-Americans and many others. Something about this sits in my craw, so please allow me to explain.
Don’t for a minute think that I disrespect any culture or heritage. Quite the contrary, I love other cultures- in fact I spent the first twelve years of my life in a third-world country in Southeast Asia as a missionary kid. I speak their language and think of that country as my second home. Growing up, I played in the local villages with other nationals and developed a natural love and understanding of their ways. While attending high school here in the U.S., a father-like mentor took me under his wing- a black man who I love and respect.
First let me explain my confusion about the hyphen craze. It is inconsistent. Africa is a continent. Mexico is a country. So which is it? Do we define by continent or country? What about a person of Native-American descent who is a citizen of England—are they “Native-American-British”. Or how about a person of Mexican ancestry living in Poland – are they Mexican-American-Polock? Or what about a black person whose lineage comes from Cuba- are they Cuban-African-American or just African-American?
Can you see the mess that develops when you use logic to understand this hyphenation craze? Several months ago I viewed a cable newscast where a reporter questioned pedestrians in New York. During the newscast the reporter asked a black woman on the street a question that began with “So as an African-American woman, how would you……..”. In broken English, the woman replied, “I am Nigerian, not American”.
So why do we have hyphenated-Americans?
1. Hyphenating Avoids Patriotism
In an attempt to appear more sensitive and compassionate, it is considered more compassionate to refer folks by their nationality instead of their actual race. And, for all practical purposes, I agree. For instance, it would be awkward to go around referring to people as Alpine Caucasoid, Papuan Negroid or Indonesian Mongoloid.
But in the last twenty years, some liberals decided that America was not great enough to have U.S. citizens without a descriptive prefix of their ancestry. They had to show more cosmopolitan compassion [in my best “British-American” tone] by attaching descriptors. By hyphenating, people appear to have allegiance to two or more countries. In doing so, America is just one country of residence, no more important or great than another. Hyphenating is just another way of diminishing peoples patriotism towards our great country.
2. Hyphenating Dilutes America’s Greatness
White people dominate America’s early history. And with all the greatness and glory of Early America, there were big problems. The scourge of slavery was a major one. But even with America’s glaring injustices it has managed to evolve by ridding itself of slavery. In the last twenty years, in an effort to re-write history, liberals have made out the founding fathers to be corrupt, mad and evil racists. Don’t believe me? Go to your local public school and read a history textbook. The advent of hyphenated-Americans is simply an outgrowth of that resentment of American history.
If liberals can convince people that partial allegiance should be pledged to their homeland through hyphenating, they could somehow be redeemed from association with America’s blemished past. Of particular interest is the maternalistic worship of Africa from whence come many Americans. Most of us have seen the zealous celebration of African culture. It is amazing that people are not reminded of the historical scourge of slavery on Africa by Africans and many other atrocities in history (see the movie- Tears of the Sun.) And more amazing that there is an apparent resentment towards America and what America stands for. No, America is not perfect and has a long way to go—but there is no greater country in the world!
3. Hyphenating Segregates Americans Into Clusters
Hyphenating Americans is just another way for liberals to pigeonhole people into special interest groups. They believe if they can define you, they can control you. Or pit one group of Americans against another- a technique mastered by Bill Clinton. What’s wrong with being race-blind and being non-hyphenated? What happened to Martin Luther King’s dream that we could be judged “NOT BY THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN, BUT BY THE CONTENT OF OUR CHARACTER”? And ultimately, if people are ashamed of America or to be an “American” then why live here?
If transportation is a problem, I propose a government subsidy for the purchase of one-way tickets out of this great nation.
Ah ha- don’t tell me—I know— I am now a racist.
4. Hyphenating Sounds More Palatable
To identify someone it is natural and convenient for people to say what they see. For instance--“He’s the oriental guy sitting to the left of that stewardess”. Normal conversation –yes, but oh-so politically incorrect. Correct liberal translation— “He’s the Asian-American guy sitting to the flight attendant”. There is something strangely hypnotic about non-specificity and wordiness. There is something soothing and benign about vaguity.
So why can’t we all just be Americans? I mean with NO HYPHENS. Why can’t we appreciate our cultural ancestry and the ancestry of others and still be just “Americans”. Why can’t the word “American” in and of itself define our ancestry?
Well, ladies and gentlemen- I for one am proud to be an “American”. Whatever the nationalities of my ancestors, whatever the situation they faced when they left their homeland to come here. This country called “America” has brought happiness and prosperity to them and their descendants. America offers more than soil on which to build a home. America gives liberty to pursue my dreams, to realize my potential and for that I am grateful.
So drop the hyphens! Stand firm on your American identity and be proud of it.
Thanks to our politically correct society we now divide our great American society into hyphenated-Americans. You know….Mexican-Americans, Irish-Americans, Native-Americans, African-Americans, Asian-Americans and many others. Something about this sits in my craw, so please allow me to explain.
Don’t for a minute think that I disrespect any culture or heritage. Quite the contrary, I love other cultures- in fact I spent the first twelve years of my life in a third-world country in Southeast Asia as a missionary kid. I speak their language and think of that country as my second home. Growing up, I played in the local villages with other nationals and developed a natural love and understanding of their ways. While attending high school here in the U.S., a father-like mentor took me under his wing- a black man who I love and respect.
First let me explain my confusion about the hyphen craze. It is inconsistent. Africa is a continent. Mexico is a country. So which is it? Do we define by continent or country? What about a person of Native-American descent who is a citizen of England—are they “Native-American-British”. Or how about a person of Mexican ancestry living in Poland – are they Mexican-American-Polock? Or what about a black person whose lineage comes from Cuba- are they Cuban-African-American or just African-American?
Can you see the mess that develops when you use logic to understand this hyphenation craze? Several months ago I viewed a cable newscast where a reporter questioned pedestrians in New York. During the newscast the reporter asked a black woman on the street a question that began with “So as an African-American woman, how would you……..”. In broken English, the woman replied, “I am Nigerian, not American”.
So why do we have hyphenated-Americans?
1. Hyphenating Avoids Patriotism
In an attempt to appear more sensitive and compassionate, it is considered more compassionate to refer folks by their nationality instead of their actual race. And, for all practical purposes, I agree. For instance, it would be awkward to go around referring to people as Alpine Caucasoid, Papuan Negroid or Indonesian Mongoloid.
But in the last twenty years, some liberals decided that America was not great enough to have U.S. citizens without a descriptive prefix of their ancestry. They had to show more cosmopolitan compassion [in my best “British-American” tone] by attaching descriptors. By hyphenating, people appear to have allegiance to two or more countries. In doing so, America is just one country of residence, no more important or great than another. Hyphenating is just another way of diminishing peoples patriotism towards our great country.
2. Hyphenating Dilutes America’s Greatness
White people dominate America’s early history. And with all the greatness and glory of Early America, there were big problems. The scourge of slavery was a major one. But even with America’s glaring injustices it has managed to evolve by ridding itself of slavery. In the last twenty years, in an effort to re-write history, liberals have made out the founding fathers to be corrupt, mad and evil racists. Don’t believe me? Go to your local public school and read a history textbook. The advent of hyphenated-Americans is simply an outgrowth of that resentment of American history.
If liberals can convince people that partial allegiance should be pledged to their homeland through hyphenating, they could somehow be redeemed from association with America’s blemished past. Of particular interest is the maternalistic worship of Africa from whence come many Americans. Most of us have seen the zealous celebration of African culture. It is amazing that people are not reminded of the historical scourge of slavery on Africa by Africans and many other atrocities in history (see the movie- Tears of the Sun.) And more amazing that there is an apparent resentment towards America and what America stands for. No, America is not perfect and has a long way to go—but there is no greater country in the world!
3. Hyphenating Segregates Americans Into Clusters
Hyphenating Americans is just another way for liberals to pigeonhole people into special interest groups. They believe if they can define you, they can control you. Or pit one group of Americans against another- a technique mastered by Bill Clinton. What’s wrong with being race-blind and being non-hyphenated? What happened to Martin Luther King’s dream that we could be judged “NOT BY THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN, BUT BY THE CONTENT OF OUR CHARACTER”? And ultimately, if people are ashamed of America or to be an “American” then why live here?
If transportation is a problem, I propose a government subsidy for the purchase of one-way tickets out of this great nation.
Ah ha- don’t tell me—I know— I am now a racist.
4. Hyphenating Sounds More Palatable
To identify someone it is natural and convenient for people to say what they see. For instance--“He’s the oriental guy sitting to the left of that stewardess”. Normal conversation –yes, but oh-so politically incorrect. Correct liberal translation— “He’s the Asian-American guy sitting to the flight attendant”. There is something strangely hypnotic about non-specificity and wordiness. There is something soothing and benign about vaguity.
So why can’t we all just be Americans? I mean with NO HYPHENS. Why can’t we appreciate our cultural ancestry and the ancestry of others and still be just “Americans”. Why can’t the word “American” in and of itself define our ancestry?
Well, ladies and gentlemen- I for one am proud to be an “American”. Whatever the nationalities of my ancestors, whatever the situation they faced when they left their homeland to come here. This country called “America” has brought happiness and prosperity to them and their descendants. America offers more than soil on which to build a home. America gives liberty to pursue my dreams, to realize my potential and for that I am grateful.
So drop the hyphens! Stand firm on your American identity and be proud of it.
18 November, 1999
You Might Be from Michigan if...
1. You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
2. You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
3. You can identify an Ohio accent.
4. Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
5. Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
6. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
7. The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
8. You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
9. You bake with soda and drink pop.
10. You drive 86 on the highway and you pass on the right.
11. Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
12. You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
13. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
14. The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
15. You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
16. You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
17. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
18. Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.
19. Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
20. At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
21. Your year has two seasons:Winter and Construction.
22. You know what a millage is.
23. Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
24. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
25. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.
2. You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
3. You can identify an Ohio accent.
4. Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
5. Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
6. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
7. The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
8. You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
9. You bake with soda and drink pop.
10. You drive 86 on the highway and you pass on the right.
11. Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
12. You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
13. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
14. The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
15. You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
16. You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
17. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
18. Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.
19. Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
20. At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
21. Your year has two seasons:Winter and Construction.
22. You know what a millage is.
23. Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
24. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
25. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.
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