The Liberal Necessity of Hyphenated-Americans

I guess I should be ashamed to say it, but I am a white male. Yes indeed, genealogical research shows that I am of French, German, Scottish and English descent. From what I can deduce from the last twenty years of media innuendo, I am statistically the most evil type of human on the planet. But before I diverge- let’s me address the most divisive ploys to clusterize Americans.

Thanks to our politically correct society we now divide our great American society into hyphenated-Americans. You know….Mexican-Americans, Irish-Americans, Native-Americans, African-Americans, Asian-Americans and many others. Something about this sits in my craw, so please allow me to explain.

Don’t for a minute think that I disrespect any culture or heritage. Quite the contrary, I love other cultures- in fact I spent the first twelve years of my life in a third-world country in Southeast Asia as a missionary kid. I speak their language and think of that country as my second home. Growing up, I played in the local villages with other nationals and developed a natural love and understanding of their ways. While attending high school here in the U.S., a father-like mentor took me under his wing- a black man who I love and respect.

First let me explain my confusion about the hyphen craze. It is inconsistent. Africa is a continent. Mexico is a country. So which is it? Do we define by continent or country? What about a person of Native-American descent who is a citizen of England—are they “Native-American-British”. Or how about a person of Mexican ancestry living in Poland – are they Mexican-American-Polock? Or what about a black person whose lineage comes from Cuba- are they Cuban-African-American or just African-American?

Can you see the mess that develops when you use logic to understand this hyphenation craze? Several months ago I viewed a cable newscast where a reporter questioned pedestrians in New York. During the newscast the reporter asked a black woman on the street a question that began with “So as an African-American woman, how would you……..”. In broken English, the woman replied, “I am Nigerian, not American”.

So why do we have hyphenated-Americans?

1. Hyphenating Avoids Patriotism

In an attempt to appear more sensitive and compassionate, it is considered more compassionate to refer folks by their nationality instead of their actual race. And, for all practical purposes, I agree. For instance, it would be awkward to go around referring to people as Alpine Caucasoid, Papuan Negroid or Indonesian Mongoloid.

But in the last twenty years, some liberals decided that America was not great enough to have U.S. citizens without a descriptive prefix of their ancestry. They had to show more cosmopolitan compassion [in my best “British-American” tone] by attaching descriptors. By hyphenating, people appear to have allegiance to two or more countries. In doing so, America is just one country of residence, no more important or great than another. Hyphenating is just another way of diminishing peoples patriotism towards our great country.

2. Hyphenating Dilutes America’s Greatness

White people dominate America’s early history. And with all the greatness and glory of Early America, there were big problems. The scourge of slavery was a major one. But even with America’s glaring injustices it has managed to evolve by ridding itself of slavery. In the last twenty years, in an effort to re-write history, liberals have made out the founding fathers to be corrupt, mad and evil racists. Don’t believe me? Go to your local public school and read a history textbook. The advent of hyphenated-Americans is simply an outgrowth of that resentment of American history.

If liberals can convince people that partial allegiance should be pledged to their homeland through hyphenating, they could somehow be redeemed from association with America’s blemished past. Of particular interest is the maternalistic worship of Africa from whence come many Americans. Most of us have seen the zealous celebration of African culture. It is amazing that people are not reminded of the historical scourge of slavery on Africa by Africans and many other atrocities in history (see the movie- Tears of the Sun.) And more amazing that there is an apparent resentment towards America and what America stands for. No, America is not perfect and has a long way to go—but there is no greater country in the world!

3. Hyphenating Segregates Americans Into Clusters

Hyphenating Americans is just another way for liberals to pigeonhole people into special interest groups. They believe if they can define you, they can control you. Or pit one group of Americans against another- a technique mastered by Bill Clinton. What’s wrong with being race-blind and being non-hyphenated? What happened to Martin Luther King’s dream that we could be judged “NOT BY THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN, BUT BY THE CONTENT OF OUR CHARACTER”? And ultimately, if people are ashamed of America or to be an “American” then why live here?

If transportation is a problem, I propose a government subsidy for the purchase of one-way tickets out of this great nation.

Ah ha- don’t tell me—I know— I am now a racist.

4. Hyphenating Sounds More Palatable

To identify someone it is natural and convenient for people to say what they see. For instance--“He’s the oriental guy sitting to the left of that stewardess”. Normal conversation –yes, but oh-so politically incorrect. Correct liberal translation— “He’s the Asian-American guy sitting to the flight attendant”. There is something strangely hypnotic about non-specificity and wordiness. There is something soothing and benign about vaguity.

So why can’t we all just be Americans? I mean with NO HYPHENS. Why can’t we appreciate our cultural ancestry and the ancestry of others and still be just “Americans”. Why can’t the word “American” in and of itself define our ancestry?

Well, ladies and gentlemen- I for one am proud to be an “American”. Whatever the nationalities of my ancestors, whatever the situation they faced when they left their homeland to come here. This country called “America” has brought happiness and prosperity to them and their descendants. America offers more than soil on which to build a home. America gives liberty to pursue my dreams, to realize my potential and for that I am grateful.

So drop the hyphens! Stand firm on your American identity and be proud of it.

You Might Be from Michigan if...

1. You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
2. You think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder.
3. You can identify an Ohio accent.
4. Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a bucket of smelt.
5. Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.
6. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
7. The Big Mac is something that you drive across.
8. You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
9. You bake with soda and drink pop.
10. You drive 86 on the highway and you pass on the right.
11. Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.
12. You learned how to drive a boat before you learned how to ride a bike.
13. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".
14. The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical significance.
15. You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
16. You expect Vernor's when you order ginger ale.
17. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but that it isn't far from Hell.
18. Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, the opening of deer season and Devil's Night.
19. Your snowmobile, lawn mower and fishing boat all have big block Chevy engines.
20. At least one person in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan/Michigan State football game.
21. Your year has two seasons:Winter and Construction.
22. You know what a millage is.
23. Traveling coast to coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
24. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian, eh.
25. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.